At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
