Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
