Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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