My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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