i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
