Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
