Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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