He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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