hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
