the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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