and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
