I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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