Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
