I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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