Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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