Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
