I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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