K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
