I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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