Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
