Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
