Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
