I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
