Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Two words: blizzard sex
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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