We're facebook friends in real life
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
