You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I stole a fireplace last night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
