I just cut my nipple shaving
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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