I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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