So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize