No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are all done wearing pants today
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
