Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
