you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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