The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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