he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
