He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
