just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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