but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
