Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
