people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
