I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
