I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
