Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
