i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
