...so i touched it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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