This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
