Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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