Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
