Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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