Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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