i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
